


Unforgettable beautiful

by Bluemoon140515 (Moonlight2211)



Series: MxBingo W2018 [4]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon, Changki rise!!!, Changkyun's a sap, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy baby jealousy, Kihyun's sad, Light Angst, M/M, Monsta X Bingo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-02 03:01:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14535249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonlight2211/pseuds/Bluemoon140515
Summary: If Love has expiration date, he wonders how long it would be. How long will take him until those feelings would finally disappear and everything will easy again, when every word and every touch would mean nothing, when his heart would stop pounding every time he’s next to him. A month? Two months? A year? Five years? Or the whole 7 years their contract last? It’s been 3 years and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better.





	Unforgettable beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> 《Prompt: Canon》
> 
> This is me updating my mx bingo a month after deadline hehe~ sorry  
> I'm working in the others ~  
> Hope you enjoy ^^ let me know what do you think  
> See you soon!! 
> 
> (Warnings... umm not really but i said things i didn't mean and I'm sorry beforehand jflaksñaf i hurt my baby so much here and i hate it but i kinda like it?? )

If Love has expiration date, he wonders how long it would be. How long will take him until those feelings would finally disappear and everything will easy again, when every word and every touch would mean nothing, when his heart would stop pounding every time he’s next to him. A month? Two months? A year? Five years? Or the whole 7 years their contract last? It’s been 3 years and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better.

Say he didn’t try is completely a lie, he tried, everyday for the past 3 years he tried, but sometimes only “try” isn’t enough and his chances ain’t getting any better. Ever since debut -and even before- Kihyun always treated him better than anyone else. His whole attention and time always spent on him or thinking about him, prepared every night the meal he asked him for, laughing at his dorky jokes, always woke him up as delicate and softly as he can, his smile the first thing he saw for the past 3 years (other members can’t relate). He has been so painfully obvious than even the most oblivious of them could have realized what’s happening inside Kihyun’s heart. For fuck’s sake even some of their fans noticed it but he can’t help it, every time they ask something the only name in his head is the same, sometimes he tries to fight it back, avoid it as the plague but at the end, it’s always the same. He would always choose him over anything.

_“Who do you want as roommate?”_

_“Changkyunnie”_

_“If you’re lost in a desert island, with whom you want to be?”_

_“Changkyunnie”_

_“With whom you want to do a duet?”_

_“Changkyunnie”_

_“Which member do you want to take a shower with?”_

_“Changkyunnie”_

_“Who do you want…”_

_“Changkyunnie”_

_“Who…”_

_“Changkyunnie”_

He only needs to scroll on his social media to read all the stuff Kihyun has said about him, but he had been so stupid, it’s not like if Changkyun cares enough to search for him or anything related to him anyway.

He tried to attack his feelings first, try to make him fall just with his little gestures and not-too-subtle bad flirty but that didn’t work.

Then, he changed.

Every time someone asked why he lost so much weight, he would say he wanted to be loved by his fans more. That’s not totally a lie and kind of worked, after he showed his abs during shine forever promotions, his fan-base increased considerably and that’s good, but what it’s the point of millions of people loving him if the person he wants doesn’t spare him a glaze?

He’s not ugly right? At least he doesn’t think so. Their fans are always saying he’s cute and handsome all the time and what they say means a lot to him, his members say the opposite of course, Minhyuk would be the first one to jump in the conversation and refuse it with all his soul and the recently-dyed red haired man doesn’t mind, that has been their thing since pre-debut. But Changkyun? He’s starting to think their maknae truly thinks he’s ugly, still the incident with the lie detector present in his mind as if it was yesterday, how he said he was handsome, _“The most handsome between them”_ were his exact words and the little hope destroyed with a simple “Pung”, he tried to act normal, laughed at the scene but that truly hurt his feelings. His face when someone said they looked alike can’t be described with other word than “Disgust”, how he wanted their company stop giving them their same hair color and fans comparing them. Well, Kihyun isn’t fond of the idea of being called his mom either, that hurt his man ego but definitively he doesn’t hate when someone say they’re similar, Changkyun’s really handsome, the most beautiful human being in his eyes.

He can’t say he’s not losing his confidence, a lot of low self-esteem hidden under the fake ego everyone thinks he has.

At least Changkyun said he likes his voice, but he can’t sing without feeling guilty, if he wasn’t here other members would sing more, or at least that’s what other people commented in their videos.

“Kihyunnie, are you okay?” – Their second oldest, who is sitting closer to him, asks worried, immediately attracting the rest of the group’s attention to the main vocalist. A van with his members and manager isn’t the best place to be thinking about this and everyone’s judging eyes on him is really the last thing he wants to feel right now.

“I am” – He replies shortly and turns to the windows to avoid any other confrontation, waiting the members ignore his crystallized eyes forming now new tears. At least Changkyun can’t see them, he’s too busy cuddling with Hyungwon in the backseats, _as always_.

Kihyun sighs, tired or resigned or maybe both. That day Changkyun said Hyungwon looks beautiful with pink hair, he never complimented Kihyun when he had pink hair, he never said he looked good in any customer, he never said he looks good in anything, he never said he has a good butt or winked at him flirting, he never… well, in short, Changkyun never said anything positive about his appearance at all. It’s always Hyungwon, sometimes Minhyuk and Wonho, even Hyunwoo and Jooheon, but _never_ Kihyun.

Changkyun and Hyungwon became a thing by now, always together, always joking, hugging and flirting, complementing each other, where Hyungwon goes, Changkyun’s following him closely, when they take a photo together, they’re glued to each other, while he can’t even archive a photo together since, what? A year? More? God, they already confess _in public_ once, all the things Kihyun wants and can’t have.

He wonders if he finally confess and Changkyun rejects him, everything would be easier, maybe _forget_ him would be easier, maybe get over those feelings would be easier, maybe a rejection is better than live a life receiving little touches than mean nothing to him but the world to Kihyun. He really wants, _needs_ those feelings to go away as fast as they came, unwarned, unwelcome and unexpected, and maybe the tears would stop eventually and his chest would stop hurting every day.

He knows one or two tears are already making their way down his checks and hopes no one see him wiping them away, he doesn’t want anyone asking anything, because he knows he’ll spit everything he has inside and ruin the friendship they’ve been building the past 3 years.

Well, if he can say what they have is a friendship because Changkyun really doesn’t care a lot about his existence. Maybe a coworkers-ship? 

Funny, they’re promoting “Jealousy” and Kihyun can relate with every single word they’re singing.

 

 

Finally at home, the 7 members walk to their little dorm, he already said he wanted to bath first and considering the gloomy mood he has around him, no one even try to fight him back. Maybe a long and hot shower would help him erase those depressive thoughts or maybe he finally can allow himself cry without other members noticing, his soft sobs covered by the loud sound of the water splashing against the floor.

30 minutes later, cleaner and more relaxed, he’s finally leaving the comfort of their bathroom, thankful no one came to bother him the whole time and the members understood he doesn’t need them to pestering him and “Cheer him up”, at least not right now. He isn’t in the mood and probably would snap at whoever dares to turn to his direction.

Despite his well known habit to release tension by doing their chores or maybe lost himself in the kitchen, he doesn’t feel like cooking today, actually he doesn’t feel like doing _anything_ right now, he just wants to spend the few free hours recovering all the hours of sleep he didn’t have since Jealousy’s promotions began. So, he walks directly to this room and climbs on his comfy bed, covering until the head with the sheets, as he loves and missed so much. The next day they have a day full of schedule and practice, their Japan tour is around the corner and their leader is making them practice more hours, his body is thankful right now. Surprisingly, the first brave member coming to bother him doesn’t take long, maybe 5 minutes since he left the bathroom

“Hyung…” - It’s not who he wanted to be, but it’s okay. He knew Changkyun wouldn’t care if Kihyun eats with them or not. He bets their youngest still doesn’t know he’s not out there with them. Kihyun sighs, he already should be use to this treatment, at least Jooheon’s aware of his absence and came to talk with him. He’s just not in the mood to acknowledge his existence – “Kihyun-Hyung we ordered fried chicken, we saved your part from Shownu-Hyung’s hungry hands”

It’s so obvious what he’s trying to do and the main vocalist appreciates it, he really does, but he’s not in the mood to joke and laugh either, he wants to sleep and maybe forget everything around him – “No hungry”

“But Hyung…”

“Jooheon, Go away” – He can’t see the younger’s reaction but he knows Jooheon feels bad for his shortly answer, he may apologize later but now he needs to sleep, that’s the only moment he can be completely in peace and wait for tomorrow to be better…

 

**~*~**

 

But “tomorrow” isn’t better and despite his will to forget, everything is the same than always or even worse, Changkyun didn’t share a word with him during the whole day and spent most of his time with, of course, Hyungwon and Jooheon. He even joked with Hoseok and Hyunwoo and was all cute all over Minhyuk. He doesn’t understand, what did he do wrong to be ignored by their maknae? He didn’t even gaze at his direction the whole day.

He remembers those times during No.Mercy where Changkyun used to follow him around or at least kept him near, they talked for hours every day and sometimes slept in the same bed when the younger couldn’t sleep, those times were his favorites, he hugged him from behind and caress his hair to help him to sleep. He thought everything was because he was one of the first members to open up with him and he wasn’t comfortable with the rest but Changkyun was always beside him even after debut, their first comeback, their first anniversary, their second anniversary, until their world tour. After Dramarama promotions started everything began to fall apart, was something he said? Something he did? Did he hurt Changkyun? Why he doesn’t like him anymore? At least as a friend it’s okay, he can perfectly accept it but now he just pretends Kihyun doesn’t exist at all.

Shit, Kihyun just wants to shout at his face **“Hey I’m here!”** and kiss him hard, hug him, he doesn’t care anymore, he just wants him to look at him as he used to do before. 

Maybe Kihyun already reached his limit and can’t handle it anymore.

They’re again back to the dorm, as the previous day Kihyun goes first and take his fucking time in the shower. Fuck Hoseok and fuck Hyunwoo with “I’m the hyung here” and his close friend Minhyuk with “I want to bath too you asshole!” Kihyun is the demon himself when he’s upset and everyone know it.  His aching body is screaming for the warm water and he’s cursing at his leader for made them practice so much that day, literally Kihyun feels pain everywhere, inside and outside.

“Hyung, are you…” – It’s their innocent and super cute maknae approaching him with those puppy eyes Kihyun has always been weak about, trying to ask something when the elder finally leaves the bathroom, but Kihyun ignores him, _now_ he wants to talk? No, Kihyun should be stronger and his body shouldn’t be feeling as jelly every time Changkyun remembers he’s there. He walks away leaving their younger rapper behind, not even once looking at him.

But maybe if he turned around at least a second, he would have seen the hurt in Changkyun’s eyes and the long worried stare he threw at him.

Unlike yesterday, this time he needed to busy his mind with other thing, _anything_ , he needs to take Changkyun and his one-side love out of his brain at least few minutes for his own sanity, so he goes to the kitchen already eying what they have and what he can cook.

But at the same time he wants to make himself a big burrito and hide in his bed for the rest of the night or week or month or year… but his schedule can’t allow it– “Are you finally cooking something?” – Kihyun really doesn’t want to feel this way but he really hates the voice coming from behind him. He’s his friend, one of the best he has and one of the closest ever since trainees days. But his jealousy overlaps his reasonability and precisely now he’s one of the last people he wants to see – “I was craving for some home-made dinner since…” – He finally turns around to meet the taller vocalist’s eyes with his famous deadly glare, immediately noticing Changkyun entering in the kitchen too _‘Of course, if Hyungwon’s here you’ll come right? When was the last time you came here for **me**?’ _ Kihyun thinks, the fury bulling inside him and suddenly everything’s red, he should get the fuck out of here – “If you want home-made food, cook it yourself!” – then the shorter vocalist slams the lettuce he had in his hand against Hyungwon’s stomach and leaves the kitchen, completely ignoring the curious gazes the rest of the members are giving him and definitively doesn’t care what those two are doing there anymore.

He takes his keys and tells their leader he’ll go out for a while, he doesn’t wait for his answer and he probably will be scolded the next day but he doesn’t care. As the masochist he is, he looks into the kitchen one more time and finds Hyungwon still there with Changkyun helping him to cook, making jokes and laughing, that used to be his place before, even that was stolen and he has nothing he can do about it. Changkyun doesn’t even care Kihyun’s upset.

He needs to get out of there or he’ll exploit.

He walks to the park nearby, cursing everything, Changkyun, Hyungwon, starship, the door, the wall, the dog, the trashcan, _himself_. Actually he’s the only one to blame, he never confessed and even if he did it, Changkyun doesn’t need to feel the same way, he found a person to love and to be loved, he should be happy because the person he treasures so much is happy even if he’s with someone else. He’s an idiot, a selfish and definitively he doesn’t deserve someone as precious as Changkyun.

Out of the public’s eye, he hides behind a tree and cry, cry as he has never done before, cry as he has lost the most precious thing in the world, cry as he has nothing else to cheer for. He just wants to disappear, forget everything, he bets everyone will be happier if he’s not there.

He doesn’t know how long he has been out or what time it is but he precisely doesn’t want to go back to the same place and sees the only person he has truly loved in his past 25 years being happy with someone else, he still can’t get use to it and has the disgrace to live with them, why the universe hates him so much?

Anyway, he still has a day full of schedule and his body is screaming for some rest at least but he truly doesn’t think he can close an eye tonight, his head hurts for crying, his chest hurts, his body hurts, everything hurts, _shit_.

He thinks it’s around midnight or a little bit over twelve when he opens the front door, all the lights are off so at least he’s alone and Shownu won’t scold him right now… until he hears soft steps coming and he lets go a resigned sigh, good bye to his time alone – “Hyung!” – The deep voice of his maknae startles him, he’s the last person he thought would stay up waiting for him, wait, maybe he wasn’t. Idiot enough to think Changkyun would lose precious sleep time for his sake? Nah.

“Hyung are you okay?! God, Do you know how late it is?!!” - Midnight? Who cares, Kihyun ignores him, walking directly to the living room – “4 fucking am! We need to take a plane to Japan in 2 hours Hyung! Why were you out so late?!”

“As if you care” - Kihyun huffs annoyed. Then he realized what he said. His intentions never were to say those words, like, yes, he knows Changkyun doesn’t care about him but he didn’t want to say it out loud, he can’t handle him saying it and admitting it.

“W-Why are you saying this?” – Kihyun, at first, didn’t want to meet his eyes but once he does it, he can clearly see the hurt inside, they’re red and puffy and he hopes is for sleep and not other thing, then he notices they’re watering with probably new tears. The whole group had only seen Changkyun crying thrice, two times were happiness tears and once due to his loneliness. After No.Mercy he sworn protect him from everything hurtful, now he’s the reason of his tears and he feels the pieces of his broken heart breaking in miles of pieces more – “H-hyung, of course I-I care, why do you think I stay up?”

“I’m asking the same thing, why don’t you just ignore me as you always do?” – _‘Shit shit shit Kihyun stop! You don’t want to do this! You don’t want to hurt him!’_ He repeats inside his mind once and over again as a mantra, trying to stop any hurtful comment he can form in his mind. That’s one and the biggest of the reasons why he left in first place, his brain and his mouth aren’t coordinated, while his brain (and heart) shouts him to stop, his mouth snaps at everything and everyone around him and he knows he’ll say things he’ll regret later but still too proud to apologize. He doesn’t want to hurt him, he LOVES Changkyun.

“Hyung I- No! Hyung I’m not…” – The same moment he sees the tears is the moment his heart stopped beating. Changkyun’s really crying harder than ever and the reason is _him_. But how many times he has cried for Changkyun the past years? Even more the past months? Why should he care? But he does, and he wants to pulls him into his arms and apologizes, say him everything it’s his fault and Changkyun hasn’t done anything wrong. But he’s immobile and the only thing working it’s his mouth, much to Kihyun’s dismay.

“I understand Changkyun, why would you even want to spend time with me? I’m a grumpy old man who nags at everyone and never stop until is in the way I want, I understand, really. I understand you don’t want to be near me when there’s a camera, I bet you hate when someone takes photos of us together, I understand, I’m not even good looking, why I even in the gro-” – Changkyun stops him. He doesn’t know where that came from but the younger envelops him into his arms and hold him closer to his body, despite his whines and “Don’t touch me you asshole!” and “I’m your fucking Hyung and I’m telling you to let me go!” Kihyun melts in the touch not even once actually trying to push him away.

“No Kihyun, you aren’t all that, you’re precious and the best hyung ever, and you’re so beautiful, cute, pretty, handsome, don’t think like that of yourself, you’re the best vocalist and you easily can be a visual too” – It’s strange how those words could warm his inside and brings unwanted tears to his eyes because they’re so beautiful and he knows Changkyun _doesn’t_ mean it.

“Liar”

“It’s not a lie hyung, no because we don’t tell you all those things out loud mean we don’t think like that about you”

_‘We’_

“You shouldn’t say things you don’t mean” – Finally Kihyun pulls away, he’s not ready for this shit, he would never be actually but right now he can’t stay near Changkyun, especially when he’s saying all those things that make his heart flutter, he could end the night saying things he shouldn’t and regret it later. Changkyun has other plans and letting him go and bury himself in his misery aren’t part of them. The younger cups his cheeks between his hands, forcing him to lock their eyes together. The rapper stopped crying at some point, now staring intensely at him with a fire he has never seen in their sweet maknae.

“I mean it Hyung, I really mean it and I didn’t even say everything I think about you” – He doesn’t want to hear anything else Changkyun wants to say, but his face is easily trapped by the younger and he’s stuck in his place. He can’t even avoid his gaze because Changkyun’s so _fucking_ close, their noses almost touching and he gulps, he _can’t_ be here right now – “Hyung, I told miles of times how much I love your voice, but have I ever told you every time I can’t sleep I listen your songs? Your OSTs? Our collaboration song? Your songs with Jooheon? I think I can sing “One more step” even when I’m sleeping. I already told you how pretty you are, but have I ever told how long I stare at you when you fall asleep, have I ever told you I’d go to sleep happily knowing your smile will be the first thing I’d see when I wake up? And how my heart breaks every time you send someone else to wake me up?”

 _‘Get the fuck out of here Kihyun, you can’t hear all that and stop yourself to… to… to… kiss him’_ his hands rest atop of his, and tries to break free but Changkyun doesn’t allow him _, ‘You wanted to talk? Fine now you’ll listen until the end’_ Changkyun thinks stubbornly.

“Have I ever told you you’re the first I look at when I wake up and it’s difficult for me to not stare, you’re so damn attractive Hyung, everything about you make me want to sin” – Kihyun knows his cheeks were already red, but now they’re bright pink and a part of him it’s thankful they’re hidden by Changkyun’s hands and the dark in the room – “Have I ever told you how much I love that pout you always have when you’re concentrated in something, it’s so damn cute Hyung I always want to hug you every time you pout and I know its inappropriate because you’re older but Hyung, you’re _adorable_ ”

Kihyun wants to refute that, Changkyun’s the only adorable here – “Hyung, do I need to tell you every single perfect thing you have, because I can start with your eyes. The first time I saw your eyes Hyung I thought I saw a whole galaxy in them, your eyes are so beautiful, you don’t need eye-contact lenses to make them perfect, because they’re pretty the way they are and Hyung, have I ever told you your nose is so cute? it’s so small and I really want to bite it every time I have it near! And Hyung, have I ever told you those sinful rosy lips are driving me insane? Because hyung I can’t stop staring at them, they’re as pretty as the petals of a rose” – Kihyun’s eyes widened, suddenly all the insecurities he had before dissipate and god, that’s what Changkyun thinks of him? Can he trust his words? Why would Changkyun lie? No, he’s not lying, he knows his maknae and he’s being honest with him – “Kihyun, with less or more weight, with glasses or not, with your stage customer or your sweatpants, with your messy hair or your styled hair, You. Are. Perfect. The. Way. You. Are”

Kihyun lost the ability to talk, all he can think is in the things Changkyun told him, the way his long-time-crush have him so high and the way he talks about him… in few words, that was so Goddamn sweet.

“Hyung” – Changkyun calls again to attract his attention after a long sigh, this time calmer after the outburst he just had, he’s blushing too Kihyun realizes and despite how secure he sounds, the younger’s is a nervous mess too – “I’ve been crushing on you for the past 3 years, even before you know me, and do you know how much I hate the person I admire the most has those destructive thoughts? Hyung you’re the best that happened to this world, how can you even can you even thing we will better without you?”

“B-but I thought you d-didn’t l-like me” – Changkyun rolls his eyes, he doesn’t need to be a genius to know what he’s thinking, his face says everything he needs to know.

“Hyung, I _like_ you too much, what part of “Crushing on you for the past 3 years” you didn’t understand?” –

“B-but Hyungwon…”

“Hyungwon’s my friend, as well as Hoseok, Hyunwoo, Minhyuk and Jooheon Hyungs, I’ll always look at them in the same way, I love them, yes, but the kind of love I feel for you it’s different”

“Y-you love me?” – He thinks Changkyun wants to slap him for how hard he rolls his eyes a second time that night.

“I love you, I love you so much, Hyung I can even spend a fucking day without thinking about you, about how much I want to hug you, about how much I want to K-kiss you, about how warm you feel against me, about how beautiful you are, Hyung even our fans noticed the way I look at you” – Kihyun wants to say something, asks him why he doesn’t let Kihyun to be close to him anymore, asks him why he’s always ignoring him but Changkyun doesn’t let him form a single world – “Hyung, I couldn’t control anymore,  I just _couldn’t_ but I didn’t want to scare you, I can’t see you walk away of my life, Hyung, I can’t lose you, You are my whole universe”

Kihyun doesn’t know when he started crying and doesn’t even notice the tears until Changkyun’s gentle hands wipe them away. This time It’s Kihyun who wraps his arms around his waist and hide his face on the crook of the younger’s neck, inhaling the scent he has been craving for so long, enjoying the arms he has been wishing to hold him for years now, Changkyun loves him and that’s all what matters.

“mhmh hmhm hmhhm” – Changkyun, who has been rubbing circles all over his back, chuckles softly, obviously not understanding a single word the elder has said.

“What?” – The elder let him go, just enough to lock their eyes again, still nervous for what he’ll say but the words are burning and screaming to be told as soon as possible.

“I-I said... I love you too” – He has never seen Changkyun smiling as wide in his life, as sweet and full of love, how he was so blind before? Changkyun doesn’t ask and Kihyun doesn’t want to be asked either, before he learn on and finally join their lips. It’s something innocent, sweet, they don’t need to pressure anything just enjoying the feeling of their lips molding perfectly together and smiling against each other as the idiots in love they are… and with the unwanted comments from their annoying band members.

“Finally!”

“God that was sweet”

“Who needs to watch a drama if we have Changki with us”

“Changkyun should write our next title”

“Guys shut up and move away I can see!”

But the new couple can’t really get mad at them, or actually care about them, too busy staring at each other eyes and smiling. Kihyun has never felt this happiness in his life, and that’s all thanks to Im Changkyun.

 

**~*~**

 

The next day with only an hour of sleep, Monsta x is in their van in their way to the airport, all of them look terrible, the bags under their eyes have bags but nothing can erase their smiles. Changkyun and Kihyun are happily sharing the backseat, joking or simply staring at each other with those googly eyes all of them want to make fun of, but maybe later, their members want them to enjoy their moment for a while.

The teasing can wait just a little bit.

 

**~*~**

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for read it ♡
> 
> English is not my first language so feel free to tell me if you see any typos i'll appreciate it really~
> 
> Want to talk or be mutuals? I'm always looking for Changki shippers in this big big world ~
> 
> Anyway, find me here: (twitter) @Moonlight2211_ (anyone know how to link hehe~)


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